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Things You Would Not Want To See Happen At The Atm

You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a
receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and
ejects your card. You try to get a balance inquiry, and the
screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.

You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM
laughs and spits out your shredded card.

You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and
the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA
there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.

You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out
$50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as
you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card
back that the machine has taken.

You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most
Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption
that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."