Professors' Fun

26 Fun Things for Professors to do on the First Day of Class:


1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.

2.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

3.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

4.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"

5.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."

6.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.

7.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.

8.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.

9.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.

10.Address students as "worm."

11.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.

12.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.

13.Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.

14.Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.

15.Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.

16.Growl constantly and address students as "matey."

17.Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove."

18.Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.

19.Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot." Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"

20.Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles."

21.Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.

22.Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.

23.Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.

24.Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk."

25.Pass out dental floss to students floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.

26.Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEAR YOU!