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English Jokes

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviousl... more>>
Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the ... more>>
Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins ... more>>
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he cou... more>>
The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautif... more>>
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arr... more>>
Examination to Qualify for Entrance to UNLV (basketball players only)... more>>
Doctor Henderson spoke very seriously to Old Terry, 'I'm afraid I have some bad news and some worse news for you, Terry.' 'Tell me the worse news fir... more>>
Dan arrives at the private hospital in Merida, Yucatan, Mexico and is rushed in quickly for surgery after his appalling car crash. The operation go... more>>
Doctor Larmer commented on Peter's, extraordinarily ruddy complexion. 'High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family,' laughed Peter. 'Your mo... more>>
An elderly gentleman named Morris had had considerable hearing problems for a number of years. Naturally, Morris went to his doctor and the doctor wa... more>>
Hazel went to her family physician with her crying baby. Doctor Cassidy diagnosed right away that the baby had an earache and he wrote a prescription ... more>>
In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "... more>>
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfort... more>>
Dear Abby: My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends... more>>
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